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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22686361">they were all yellow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kishere/pseuds/kishere'>kishere</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Gryffindor!Dan, M/M, Major Character Injury, Shifting Narrative, hufflepuff!phil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 09:40:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,783</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22686361</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kishere/pseuds/kishere</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>when phil gets injured in a quidditch game, he reflects on the past year of his life and how dan fits into it// written for the 2020 PRB on tumblr.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dan Howell/Phil Lester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>they were all yellow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>thank you so much to <a href="https://hiwatari-art.tumblr.com/">hiwatari</a> for the absolutely stunning <a href="https://hiwatari-art.tumblr.com/post/190806866382/harry-potter-au-whitw-nights-watercolors-canson">artwork</a> that inspired me. thank you even more to both <a href="https://tolbabydan.tumblr.com/">dean</a> and <a href="https://itsmyusualphannie.tumblr.com/">tara</a> for betaing my work and dealing with my very needy messages for validation. you three deserve the moon and the stars. </p><p>thank you to the <a href="https://phandomreversebang.tumblr.com/">phandomreversebang</a> for setting up this event! it was so much fun to participate in and y'all reading should sign up for the next round.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Today was a perfect spring day, or at least as perfect as it could get in Scotland. The wind that was there wasn’t biting cold, there was hardly any frost on the ground, and when Phil breathed out on the pitch, he breath wasn’t creating clouds. It was still a little nippy as he sat on his two-year-out-of-date Nimbus without a scarf because early March still wasn’t spring as much as Phil wanted it to be and Quidditch demanded no scarf. No one wanted a repeat of the 1972 World Cup where Rupert got his scarf caught on the goal hoops. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scanned the cheering crowds and looked down the pitch at the Hufflepuff goalposts as one of the Gryffindor chaser’s (Dolan, he was pretty sure, but he wouldn’t be able to tell you which one even if they ended up in separate houses) take a shot at the left goalpost. The quaffle just barely rolled off of Jimmy’s hands and went cleanly through, giving Gryffindor another ten points. They were already ahead by twenty points so Phil turned his attention away from the goalposts and scanned the pitch once more, his eyes failing to land on the Snitch yet again. He sighed and shot up further into the sky, wondering if another fifty feet upwards would be able to help with a vantage point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he rose higher he watched as Dan Howell, the Gryffindor Seeker (</span>
  <em>
    <span>not friend right now, not anything anymore as Phil felt his heart break again as he remembered hearing about him and Olly</span>
  </em>
  <span>) followed his example from across the pitch. Phil screwed his face up and hoped the boy in red robes could see it. Not that Dan would care, Phil reminded himself, since they hadn’t spoken in a few days (</span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly 13 days</span>
  </em>
  <span>).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil gave himself a shake of annoyance (because they were in the middle of a game) and scanned the pitch again, thinking he caught a hint of gold on the field in the corner and zoomed over to that corner straight away, dodging one very persistent Bludger until Louise came up behind him and batted it away. By the time Phil made it to the corner where he thought he had seen the Snitch, it was long gone and he let out a frustrated huff. He turned around and saw Dan flying down to face him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Dan said, sounding cagey. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ ‘lo,” replied Phil, his eyes looking anywhere but at Dan. He didn’t have time for this, he was here to win a Quidditch match. Not try to play catch up with Dan, not to natter on and pretend he was okay when he felt his heart splitting in two every time he looked at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice out,” Dan said and Phil felt himself actually roll his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The weather, really?” Phil questioned before kicking his leg to rise up. He felt himself get a little dizzy at the speed he was ascending, his body not always agreeing with his desire to play Quidditch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you won’t talk about anything else,” came a frustrated-sounding Dan to his left. “You’ve been avoiding me for days and you refuse to talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is there to talk about?” Phil asked with rising ire, finally turning to face Dan, his hands coming up to gesture with him. The wind was picking up just above the pitch and Phil felt himself instinctively clench around the broomstick and then relax when the breeze passed. “We’re in the middle of a game, and-.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is the game all that matters to you?” Dan asked, his face contorted into a glare. “Is that why you became my friend? Must have been a real riot in the locker room. Haha, let’s make fun of Dan’s cr- PHIL!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil didn’t register why Dan was screaming. He just knew Dan was screaming and now his head was aching and he was falling. Why was he falling? He reached out, desperate for his broom but it wasn’t near him anymore. Everything hurt so much worse when he stopped falling and Madam Hooch’s whistle was splitting his head apart while it felt like his arm was being branded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to go back to the stars and the Astronomy tower and Dan was still yelling, not talking soft like he would in the Astronomy tower. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil Lester should not be this tired this early into the school year. It was literally only the second day of school and he felt the invisible grit of tiredness in his eyeballs as he went through his patrol of the corridors of Hogwarts. He was desperate to prove to Professor McGonagall that she hadn’t made a mistake in making him Head Boy, even if it had felt like one on the train ride here. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He had been tasked with taking on some patrols during the first week, usually the most intense week, since that’s when most incidents of being out past curfew would take place. His partner, Louise, had taken the lower levels of the castle since Phil had been the lower levels last night. Phil tried not to be jealous of her as he looked up the winding staircase to the Astronomy Tower. He paused to rub at his eyes, pushing his glasses up to sit on his head for a moment, feeling a brief reprieve of the dry feeling. He let out a resigned sigh before starting to climb the steps. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It would be so much simpler if he could Apparate to the top of the tower, he thought as his thighs began to scream. He hadn’t done much over the summer in terms of working out and he could feel that the first Quidditch training of the year was going to be killer (as it always was). Phil was glad he hadn’t chosen to go for for a N.E.W.T in Astronomy and would only have to occasionally take this hike.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As he rounded the corner to the Astronomy classroom, he paused as he saw a figure messing with the medium-sized telescope that poked out the window. They were tall with broad shoulders and wearing a slightly tattered red and gold scarf. Had to be a sixth or seventh year, Phil thought as he watched the figure adjust the telescope with confidence, so they were definitely old enough to know not to be out in the corridors after hours unattended, especially with Copernicus’ telescope. He and Louise weren’t allowed to perform magic on other students but they could take them to their Head of House or deduct House Points. Phil paused and deliberated his options, figuring he would escort them back to the Gryffindor Tower and deduct House Points then.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Freeze,” Phil said, making sure not to sound too friendly or “Hufflepuff-y” (whatever that meant). The other figure snorted but turned to face Phil, his arms coming away from the telescope and Phil felt himself try to hide a smirk.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Howell,” Phil greeted his main rival on the Quidditch pitch. Dan Howell was in the year below him in the Gryffindor House, and ever since he joined the Gryffindor Quidditch team in his second year, he had been a right pain in Phil’s ass every time they played against each other. Plus, Dan would stay late on the pitch until the Hufflepuffs had practice time and would be working on tricks and generally showing off. Phil found the showboating off-putting, especially when Dan would seek out Phil’s gaze and smirk. Phil wasn’t a petty person but there was something about Dan that made Phil want to...prove something to him? Put him in place (wherever that was)? Phil had never been able to put his finger on the exact feeling, but regardless, now was his chance to seek some quiet retribution for Gryffindor winning the House Cup last year.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Phil,” Dan said, blinking his brown eyes at him. Phil saw his gaze dart down and look at his pin that he had placed right below the badger crest on his robe. “Congratulations on being named Head Boy.”  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you,” Phil answered, sounding surprised to his own ears. Phil coughed and gestured to the telescope. “What are you doing? You know it’s after curfew and unless you have a note or something I’m going to have to deduct points.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh,” Dan said as he dug into his robe pockets for something. Phil felt his shoulders tense. He didn’t think Dan would be stupid enough to attack him but there had been pranks in the past. Dan brandished a piece of paper and handed it to Phil. “Professor Sinistra said that I could be here and work on a star chart for her. I’m one of the like...ten sixth years taking the class so she decided to give us a project this year since there were so few of us.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil narrowed his eyes at Dan and read over the letter which said something to the same effect as what Dan said. Phil felt his shoulders relax as he realized he wasn’t going to have to punish someone this early in the school year, even if it was Dan. He didn’t want to be known as a hardass, but maybe that was his “Hufflepuff nature”. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That sounds cool,” Phil said as he handed the paper back to Dan, their fingers touching briefly. How were Dan’s fingers even warm up here? Sure, it was only autumn, but Phil was already making a mental note to wear a scarf (and maybe mittens) the next time he had to patrol up through here. “The project, I mean.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil was surprised at the smile Dan gave him. Sure, he had seen Dan smile before, usually when he was flying and trying to outmanoeuvre Phil on the pitch so it was closer to a smirk, but a genuine smile had never been directed at him. Was that a dimple? The room was scarcely lit, only two candles to fill the entirety of the classroom so Phil couldn’t tell, but it figured that Daniel Howell would be lucky enough to have a dimple. Phil felt himself give a brief smile back before turning away to leave.    </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t stay too late Howell,” Phil said. “I’ll check back on you in a few hours.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah,” Dan replied, sounding distracted. Phil assumed that he had already turned back to the telescope.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The rest of the patrol was uneventful, filling Phil with hope for the upcoming school year as he walked back up the Astronomy Tower. Sure it was only day two (well technically day three now, Phil thought, as he heard the clock give a singular gong that went up his spine), but unless Louise had found anything especially troubling on her walk, Phil felt confident that this year was going to be fine. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As he turned back into the Astronomy classroom, he was surprised to see that Dan was still there, diligently working on a star chart. Phil watched him work for a minute, taking in the way his hands (that Phil knew were strong and huge when grabbing for the Snitch on the field) gently hold the quill in his hand and how the few candles made Dan’s skin seemed to glow. Phil cleared his throat, waiting until Dan lifted his quill so he wouldn’t mess up a star chart.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“C’mon, Howell, it’s time to turn in,” Phil said, leaning against the door jam of the classroom. “You’re going to be a mess in class tomorrow.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil ignored Dan’s sighs and mutters of discontent. He wasn’t listening closely to what Dan was saying, instead closing his eyes and taking a moment to just rest. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ready, Head Boy?” Dan asked finally, standing close enough to Phil to make Phil jump upon opening his eyes. Dan smirked in response and Phil felt himself scowl back at him. Horrible boy, Phil thought as he turned to lead the way out. It was quiet for a moment before Dan started talking again. “So… what N.E.W.Ts are you going for?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil felt himself blink in surprise. Were they really doing this? Talking about school like it was the weather? It’s not like him and Dan ever had the opportunity to talk, being in both different years and different houses, so Phil guessed there was no harm in answering since it was going to be a long walk to Gryffindor Tower anyway.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m only going for seven: Divination, Herbology, Potions,Transfiguration, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Muggle Studies” Phil said with a shrug. He turned to his side to look at Dan who was giving him a peculiar look. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Muggle Studies,” Dan asked, his tone full of confusion and a bit of disbelief.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil tried not to sigh, because this was the same problem that he had run into on the train. Everyone assumed that being a Pureblood meant that he was going to be a right-wing twat and demand they all get Death Eater tattoos or something when really the Lesters were members of DA during the Battle of Hogwarts.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes, Muggle Studies. Or really, Non-Magical Studies if you want to not sound like a purist,” Phil corrected himself, remembering how Professor Helius had tried to pound that phrase into their heads but it was something hard to let go of for Phil.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I didn’t realize someone cared,” drawled Dan and Phil remembered with an embarrassed start that Dan was a half-blood. Here he was trying not to sound like a purist and failing miserably. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well,” Phil said after an uncomfortable throat clearing. “What are you taking?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m going to sound like an underachiever after seven NEWT classes but Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, Herbology. Astronomy,” Dan said, giving a little shrug that Phil could make out in the dark. “Not really going for the Ministry route.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil didn’t know what to say to that. Although it wasn’t a necessity that he work, he always wanted to, especially at the Ministry. He used to go with his mom and dad interspersedly throughout his childhood and the building always gave him a feeling of belonging. Plus, the allure of potentially working under Harry Potter, who had recently been named Head Auror, had a certain ring to it after Phil disappointed his father by coming out as gay over the summer. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The rest of the walk to Gryffindor Tower was done in complete silence until Phil walked Dan to the front of the Pink Lady. They stood there and stared at each other for a moment.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, this is me,” Dan said with a slight joking tone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“This is you,” Phil said, noticing for the first time tonight how Dan’s eyes looked like a campfire whenever the light of his wand hit them. “Try to stay out of trouble, Howell.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I will.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lester,” Madam Hooch said into his ear. Phil heard himself whimper at the sound and it only got worse as his teammates started to crowd around him. Everything was so loud and he just wanted to go back to remembering. His head was absolutely killing him and his arm was throbbing with pain in two places. “We’re going to move you now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can move myself,” Phil said as he tried to use his right hand to sit up, letting out a scream at the pain in his wrist. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, bloody fucking-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Language, Lester,” Madam Hooch reprimands him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Madam Hooch,” Phil says defeatedly through gritted teeth, finally laying back on to the pitch grass. It was dead and felt uncomfortable near the back of his head, but it was nothing like the throbbing on the side of his head. “I think I’ll try again in a minute, for now I need a rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no,” Madam Hooch says as he starts to close his eyes, “you can’t rest yet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sorry,” Phil said automatically as he made contact with another body, a few scrolls falling. He had been walking through the halls on his way to break, coming out of Muggle Studies with a new essay assignment. He was already trying to brainstorm a few ideas but what was he supposed to do with “Uses for Twitter”? He knew that wasn’t in any of the classroom books and he wasn’t sure what to do about obtaining information.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s okay,” came a voice breaking back into Phil’s consciousness. Phil looked and found Dan’s eyes staring back at him before Phil dropped down to pick up some of the scrolls on the ground. He was embarrassed to look into Dan’s eyes after their last interaction where he compared them to campfire light. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You okay mate?” Phil asked as he set the scrolls back into Dan’s arms with a slight smile. Dan looked away and nodded, a slight red patch appearing on the right side of his face. Phil pushed his fringe out of his face since it had moved when he had bent down. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m fine. Just running late for Astrology. Professor Sinistra asked me to grab some charts from the library before class,” Dan explained, shifting from foot to foot. He didn’t make any other move to move away. It was an awkward silence for a beat before Phil felt his whole body stiffen in excitement. Dan was a half-blood; he might know about this Twitter thing!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, I don’t want to hold you up,” Phil said with a frown. “But while you’re here, I was wondering if you could help me with a paper? In Muggle Studies. You don’t have to but I don’t know what this Twitter thing is. Is it like owls? Because I think it’s bird related? But the professors always say use the materials available to you and-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“If I say yes, will you breathe?” Dan asks, a half-smile appearing on his face. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes,” Phil says, feeling relief flow through him as he smiles at Dan. He wasn’t going to get bad marks. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Then-” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help you,” Phil hears Dan say clearly, not faint and whispery like his memories. He’d recognize his voice anywhere, in any tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just going to levitate him to the Hospital Wing, Mr Howell, I hardly need help with that,” Madam Hooch dryly replied. “Everyone move back, give me space.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil felt himself start to lift and he felt sick to his stomach. This wasn’t like flying. While flying, he had some control over his motion sickness whereas right now, everything just felt like pain and misery. He turned he head to the side Madam Hooch wasn’t walking on after a few steps and felt himself sick all over the pitch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he said with a sore throat, but feeling marginally better as he floated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After a Bludger to the head, you deserved to do that,” Madam Hooch said, her nose wrinkling as the stench of Phil’s sick hit her nose. “Just try to avoid my shoes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Phil said weakly as he shut his eyes and tried to ignore the way his body swayed outside of his control. He was pretty sure he heard a second pair of footsteps along with Madam Hooch’s but his head hurt too much to keep up with it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dan was doing star charts again and had invited Phil to join him just because they had been talking more, ever since Dan had helped Phil with his essay.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(“Besides,” Dan had said when he invited Phil to sit with him that night, “I definitely won’t get in trouble if I have the Head Boy with me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil had laughed a little too loud at that, looking around nervously to make sure no one thought he was being partial. Even if it was his last year, he wanted to be known as a good Head Boy, not a stellar one, but just good.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They had found some (a lot of) things in common and it was nice to have somewhere quiet to do schoolwork since the Hufflepuff common room had been unusually busy with preparations for winter exams. Dan was a good study partner, willing to quiz Phil about his subjects if Phil would do the same. The worst think about Dan as a study partner in Phil had gotten back several mangled quills from where Dan had bitten them. He also had a tendency to drum his fingers anywhere and everywhere, even in the Library, to the ire of Madam Pince. Dan claimed it helped him study too and he was learning by helping Phil, but Phil didn’t understand how he was learning anything with the thumping of his fingers.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil, through these study sessions, had slowly grown to realize that Dan actually liked him and liked hanging out with him. It came as a surprise since they had spent the last four years antagonizing each other on the Quidditch pitch. However, Dan (who was a bit of a loner) would actively seek Phil out in between classes. He would ask Phil if he wanted to go walk down by the Great Lake, spending the time gesticulating with his (large, Phil thought with a momentary flash of heat for noticing that) hands as he explained a Quidditch manoeuvre or how something in the Muggle world worked. The last couple Hogsmeade trips, they spent the day going through various shops and Dan teasing Phil that he would pull a Weasley and set off fireworks during Phil’s NEWTS so he’d have to resit them. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil had told him that being in Gryffindor gave him fool-heartedness more than bravery and Phil watched Dan’s throat as he threw his head back laughing at Phil’s made-up word. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Phil are you paying attention?” Dan asked, his volume quiet and soft and so familiar to Phil’s ears now that they had spent the past few months falling into one of the most important friendships Phil had made at Hogwarts. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sorry, I wasn’t,” Phil admitted with a sheepish rub to the back of his neck. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn’t heard Dan break the comfortable silence between them. “What were you saying?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I um...I’m not going home for Christmas this year,” Dan repeated, his tone a little softer. Or maybe it was the fact that his back was ramrod straight as he stared resolutely into the telescope, not facing Phil. “I just...I didn’t want to listen to them arguing.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil felt the overwhelming urge to hug Dan. Protect him. He knew Dan’s relationship with his family was strained and that the past year had been full of rows with his parents as they fought against each other too. Phil couldn’t relate; sure his parents would argue sometimes, but never to the degree that Dan had been describing to Phil over the past three months. Phil got up and walked across the small space to Dan, enveloping him in an awkward hug (as Dan was still sitting, turned away from Phil, staring into the telescope as if the stars and space could fix his problems). </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do...do you want to come up to mine for Christmas,” Phil asked as Dan’s hand reached up and pressed against Phil’s hand against him, so Phil hugged him harder. Phil could smell Dan’s shampoo from where he was hugging him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dan finally turned to face Phil and Phil let go, letting Dan rub at his eyes without judgement. Phil had also learned over the past few months that Dan was brave and all that Gryffindor rot, but he was also sensitive. House stereotypes really did a number on how they perceived each other here, Phil thought as he remembered how many Hufflepuffs avoided him because they thought that as a pureblood he should be in Slytherin or was somehow a spy.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do...is it okay,” Dan asked, his voice so hesitant as he searched Phil’s face for...something, before letting his shoulders drop into something more relaxed. “You’d let me do that?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course Dan,” Phil whispered into the quiet of the Astronomy Tower. Well, he thought he was in the Astronomy Tower, just like he thought Dan was with him. But as Phil looked around, he realized he had been settled into a bed in the hospital with Dan nowhere in sight. His head still ached but his arm felt marginally better. Madam Hooch was still there but she was talking quietly to Madam Pomfrey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who won the game?” Phil heard himself ask, the words coming out raspy as he fought against the dryness in his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madam Pomfrey and Madam Hooch looked over at him and Madam Pomfrey looked relieved. It wasn’t often Phil had had to come to the infirmary but Madam Pomfrey always struck him as a very maternal type of person. He watched as Madam Hooch left, not answering his question and leaving him to Madam Pomfrey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh deary, what have you done to yourself now?” Madam Pomfrey asked as she cast</span>
  <em>
    <span> lumos</span>
  </em>
  <span> and looked into his eyes. Phil felt himself wince against the sudden bright light emitted from her wand. He looked down and away, causing the nurse to gently take his chin in her hand and  try to hold him steady. “Sorry love, I know it’s bright, but I think you have a wee bit of a concussion along with the broken arm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Phil replied, not really sure what all that would entail. He squinted his eyes as she brought back out the wand. ”So am I okay to go back to the dorms?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid not,” Madam Pomfrey told him as she moved the wand from side to side, causing Phil to wince at the new angles the light produced. “You’re going to have to stay overnight so we can make sure you don’t sleep too much. I know you want to with how much your head should be hurting but too much sleep isn’t good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil felt himself deflate at the news. All he wanted to do was curl up and forget today happened, especially since he figured with a sinking suspicion that Hufflepuff had lost the game because of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, now, no need to get like that,” Madam Pomfrey said, turning and walking over to a cabinet across the room. Phil couldn’t see what she was doing, but in less than a minute she was back at his side with a cup full of smoking liquid. “I do have to dress your head now though and I sent one of the boys from the Hufflepuff team...Clearwater? To go grab you something a little more comfortable than your Quidditch robes. You can take a little shut eye until he gets here but then you’re going to be awake for a while, understood?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Understood,” Phil said, drinking the absolutely vile liquid. He shuddered after drinking it, coughing as his throat feeling like it was on fire. “What was that?”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“SkeleGro,” Madam Pomfrey explained with an apologetic face. “It’s never pleasant. Now shut your eyes while I take a look at your head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil obeyed and shut his eyes, letting Madam Pomfrey’s gentle but sure hands clean at the wound on the side of his head, drifting off as as she cleaned the cakey feeling away, clucking about out-of-control Bludgers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Valentine’s Day was the worst when you were single, Phil thought as he stood in front of so many couples holding hands. He was checking off the people going to Hogsmeade and if he saw one more (heterosexual) couple hanging off each other, he felt like he was going to go mental.  Sure, he thought as he checked off Safiya from Ravenclaw and Tyler from Gryffindor, he wasn’t out or anything but was it too much to ask for a little variety? The only bright side of all of this was seeing couples he never would have imagined and having so much gossip filter in front of his eyes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Louise stood next to him with a cute red bow in her hair, chatting excitedly with anyone that passed by (currently PJ and Sophie) while Phil just tried to focus on remembering everyone’s names and House to make sure they were correctly checkmarked off on the list. The line was nearly done when Dan appeared at his side, poking him, causing Phil to yelp.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t do that,” Phil grumbled, trying to maintain some dignity in front of Natalie Wyn, easily the coolest girl at Hogwarts with her abilities as a Metamorphmagus. Natalie giggled as she walked by with Oliver Thorn and Harry Brewis, their arms all linked and blue scarves matching. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Behave, Daniel,” Natalie called over her shoulder. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Someone’s grouchy today,” Dan said, peeking around Phil’s side to wave at Louise, who waved back cheerfully. Dan was standing close enough that Phil could tell he was wearing a new aftershave, which caused Phil to raise an eyebrow.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Trying to impress someone, Howell?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Your mum,” Dan replied easily, causing Phil to let out a snort. “When are you going to be done?”</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span><br/>
</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span><br/>
</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t know, why?” Phil asked, checking off two more people and waving at them with a forced smile. The couple was cute, one of the Hufflepuff fourth years and someone from Gryffindor. The colors of their scarves looked good together (even if they had swapped) and Phil blinked at the image of him and Dan switching scarves like them. It was one of those images that had been popping up the more time Phil spent with Dan.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You want to go to Hogsmeade with me?” Dan asked, playing with the hem of his stripey sweater. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That was a nice thing about Hogsmeade days, Phil thought, casual clothing. It made people look nicer, he thought as the back of his neck heated up uncomfortably as he stared at Dan, the thought finally clicking into place.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>fancy</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> him.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil felt himself being shaken awake by Madam Pomfrey and he nearly shouted in shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Philip,” Madam Pomfrey started as she dabbed at his forehead with a cool cloth. “Your pajamas have arrived. Let me help you up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil could have cried in relief, his skin already feeling sweaty in the (he checked the giant clock across the room) hour since he had taken the SkeleGro. He was having a hard time keeping track of when he was in the now and when he was caught up in memories because his body was just radiating pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think it would be this hard to grow new bones,” Phil mumbled behind the dressing area Madam Pomfrey led him to in order to put on his pajama bottoms. Since one of his arms was currently bandaged up against his chest, putting them on tested the limits of his balance, but he struggled through it. After that, Madam Pomfrey helped him take his robes off (he tried not to flush at her seeing him shirtless) and put on a tee-shirt he had with Muse on the front. They were a Muggle band his brother had introduced him to and Phil had fallen in love with them over the summer two years ago. Dan liked Muse too, Phil thought morosely before letting himself be led back to bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What a great reminder</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought, the voice sounding a bit like Dan’s sarcastic drawl. He shook his head and winced at the whiplash he gave himself, pausing before he felt himself get sick again. There was a slight ringing in his ears but Phil tried to ignore it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Mr Lester,” Madam Pomfrey said, reappearing from her desk carrying a vial. “After that little adventure, you’ve earned yourself a rest. I’ll wake you up in a few hours - is your ear bugging you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a ringing sound,” Phil admitted with a mumble, feeling ashamed as he brought his hand down from his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well drink this,” she said, handing him the vial she had brought with her.”That should help with some of the headache, but not all of it. Some of it will just take time and rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you Madam Pomfrey,” Phil said weakly, settling back against the pillow before chugging the vial down. He didn’t know how long it had been sitting there and the last one had tasted rancid, so he had no hope of this one tasting good. He was pleasantly surprised at the lack of a horrendous taste; in fact, it was almost a pleasant lavender taste.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take a short rest, I’ll wake you in a few hours to check on you,” Madam Pomfrey said, using her wand to lower the shade closest to Phil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil thanked her again and felt himself drift off, wondering if there wasn’t a bit of a sleeping agent in that headache medicine with how quickly his mind went pleasantly blank. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil was hanging upside down on a broomstick in late February, watching as Dan stood balancing on his own a yard away. Dan was barely raised above the ground while Phil practiced his sloth hold. They had gotten bored of chasing a dummy snitch that Phil had gotten for Christmas a few years ago and Phil had asked Dan to teach him a few trick moves. It was nice, something perfectly normal after Phil’s Valentine’s Day revelation. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“So when Harry Potter was a first year, he did this move where he stood on the broom and caught the Snitch by tripping on it,” Dan was explaining, wobbling before stepping off his Cleansweep as he was about to fall. Phil flipped himself back over, feeling dizzy for a long moment, watching as Dan got back on his broom and tried walked down the handle again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But he had a Nimbus,” Phil said, disbelief coloring his voice. “Like they aren’t Firebolt thin but they’re thin. Just look at mine!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know, that’s what makes it cooler,” Dan explained as he stepped on the Cleansweep’s much wider handle. He looked less shaky now but he was still looking down at the handle as he walked. “He was a prodigy.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah,” Phil said as he watched Dan before flying over, lying flat against his broom so him and Dan were eye level. “You’re pretty good too. No Potter, but decent.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dan reached out and pushed at Phil’s shoulder, cause Phil to laugh as he rolled a full 360 easily on the broom. He made eye contact with Dan and hope the flushing on his face could be passed off as a combination of being upside down and the cold. His heart was beating insanely fast.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I love doing rolls,” Phil announced suddenly. “Like they always make me dizzy but my heart beats so fast. Here, feel.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil reached out and grabbed Dan’s hand, pressing it against his chest, making eye contact with Dan again. He felt his heart kick up a notch and he let go of Dan’s hand, but Dan’s hand remained on his chest. Dan fisted his hand into the robe and used the leverage to walk across the handle so they were face to face.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Phil...I...I,” Dan started before being cut off by a voice across the pitch.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oi,” a boisterous voice called as Dan and Phil hurried to separate themselves. Phil turned and saw Oliver Thorn, the Quidditch captain of the Ravenclaw house, and the rest of the team standing there watching them. Phil lowered himself from his broom and walked over to greet him. “It’s Ravenclaw’s practice time.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sorry Olly,” Dan apologized as he stared at his feet, his face bright red and oh. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil never really did jealousy but in this moment, he was so jealous of “Olly” that he felt like his body was on fire in the February cold. Because Dan was bright red and he was smiling a smile with a dimple at the ground because of Olly and Phil couldn’t breathe. Because Dan was beautiful and so smart and of course he would like Olly, who was voted the most handsome wizard at Hogwarts twice in the school newspaper and led the Dueling Club too. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Nothing like boring, goody-two shoes Phil, who had fallen for Dan with nights in the Astronomy Tower and Great Lake walks and sharing butterbeer at Hogsmeade. Nothing like Phil who was-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-being shaken awake again. This time he felt significantly less sweaty and his arm wasn’t throbbing. He was taking it as a good thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s take a look at your arm and see how it’s coming along,” Madam Pomfrey said, as she began to unwrap his his arm from the sling it had been in.  “If it’s healed up enough, you have a visitor who has been pacing the hallway in front of my hospital wing something fierce. It might be good for you to stay awake for a little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil nodded as she took his arm and bent it slowly. He winced as she did it, the feeling not pleasant but not as bad as it had been hours ago.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On a scale of 1-10, how bad does it hurt?” Madam Pomfrey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About a five,” Phil answered after a moment. “Like it’s not as bad as earlier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should hope not,” Madam Pomfrey muttered under her breath, causing Phil to laugh as she finished up her examination. “Okay boy, let me go grab the most annoying visitor I’ve had in ages. He’s been out there since Madam Hooch brought you in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil knew who it was before Madam Pomfrey went to go grab him. It was going to be Dan, because of course (</span>
  <em>
    <span>annoying, loyal, brave</span>
  </em>
  <span>) Dan would do something like pace outside a hospital wing so annoyingly that Madam Pomfrey noticed and wouldn’t leave. Phil shut his eyes for a moment, hoping he didn’t look too terrible, and opened them again to Madam Pomfrey leading Dan in who looked like he was just barely containing himself to walk behind her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, will you take a load off please? I don’t need you here fainting from exhaustion,” Madam Pomfrey said as she summoned a chair to appear next to Phil’s bed, that Dan sat down in immediately and scooted forward to be closer to Phil’s bed. “And remember what I said Mr. Howell. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Calm</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>quiet</span>
  </em>
  <span>, even voices. None of that shouting business you were doing earlier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand ma’am,” Dan replied, unwaveringly polite in the face of an adult. Phil wanted to pinch him. “I promise I’ll behave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See that you do,” Madam Pomfrey responded as she walked over to her desk, mumbling about Gryffindors and ruining the quiet sanctity of her infirmary. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dan waiting until she was out of earshot before looking back at Phil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” he started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Phil replied, unsure of what to say to Dan for the first time in the four years Phil has interacted with him. Even when they first started antagonizing each other on the pitch, it was easy banter, a back and forth. It was never this stiff, awkward thing that felt like the collar on Phil’s dress robes. Speaking of the pitch, Phil thought with a grimace. “Who won?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dan was silent for a minute before he looked away to the side. “I...um...I don’t know. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Phil wanted to reach out and squeeze Dan’s hand and reassure him everything was fine. That nothing had to be this awkward and strained and Dan didn’t have to be here if he didn’t want to be. But he was sure Dan wouldn’t want that so instead he gripped the blanket laid over him and squeezed it hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Dan repeated himself, looking down at Phil’s hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You already said that,” Phil said, giving a weak smile as he loosened his grip on the blanket. “You’d think you were the one knocked out from a Bludger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dan barked out a laugh (one of the loud annoying ones) and looked over his shoulder guiltily at Madam Pomfrey. He looked back at Phil and Phil felt himself be assessed, Dan’s gaze lingering on the bandage wrapped around the side of his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s uh, not that bad,” Phil felt the need to clarify. “It’s actually the most sleep I’ve gotten in months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s good,” Dan said, his gaze not moving from Phil’s bandage and Phil sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay, I promise,” he whispered to Dan, reaching out, surprised when Dan met him halfway and tangled their fingers together before moving them out of sight from Madam Pomfrey. Phil felt himself flush and noticed Dan’s red cheek mark started to appear as well. Phil gave Dan’s hand a squeeze and got a squeeze back in return, but Dan didn’t let go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was scary Phil. I thought..I thought maybe you would wake up and become an Evil Phil or, or,” Dan said, starting to breath heavy,” you would forget about me and I would have never been able to tell you that-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Phil said, hearing his voice go quiet. “You like Olly, it’s okay, I understand-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like Olly,” Dan repeated back to Phil, his whole being looking confused from his furrowed brow to his tone of voice. “This is news.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“News?” Phil asked incredulously,”how can the person you fancy be news to you?”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Maybe because I</span>
  <b> like</b>
  <span> Olly but I don’t</span>
  <b> fancy</b>
  <span> Olly,” Dan said, his voice getting dangerously close to squeaky. “Why would you think I fancy Olly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he’s Olly,” Phil said, feeling his own sense of confusion manifest in a higher-pitched voice. He finally let go of Dan’s hand and gestured to a random space as if it were Olly standing there. “He has the black hair and blue eyes and he’s really pretty and he’s in Ravenclaw so he’s smart and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mate,” Dan said, looking into Phil’s eyes, “are you sure you don’t have a crush on Olly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have a crush on Olly,” Phil said, looking away and down into his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure? I mean, he has the black hair and the blue eyes-” Dan starts until Madam Pomfrey cuts him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s enough for today Mr Howell,” Madam Pomfrey said from across the room, watching the two closely. “I don’t need you antagonizing my patient.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dan looks like he wants to argue back but he doesn’t, his lips forming into a pout instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes Madam Pomfrey,” Dan sighed out, before letting her escort him from the wing. He looked over his shoulder at Phil and he had a look Phil was familiar with. It was the look he had at Christmas when he came home with Phil and was trying to help Phil solve a puzzle (look, wizard puzzles were harder than regular puzzles because the pictures moved). It was Dan’s concentrating face, like the picture was moving and he was trying to find something to connect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil watched Dan until he left the hall, his head echoing “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em> like</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> Olly but I don’t</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em> fancy</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> Olly</span>
  </em>
  <span>” until sleep took him a little while later with the next dose of his headache medication. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil is eleven years old and very nervous. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Today he had to wake up very early, double-check his luggage, wand, and new spotty owl before running headfirst into a wall before boarding a train. Sure, he had done weirder things in his young life, such as transport by using a piece of garbage, but that’s because his family was full of wizards and witches. The difference between travelling with a Portkey and what he was doing now was that he is not with his parents; he’s at his new school, Hogwarts. His mom and dad told him all about Hogwarts but Martyn hadn’t told him anything because he had gone to a Muggle school down the road. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His parents had told him about the magic school that had moving staircases (which Phil was convinced might make him sick if he stayed on them for too long) and talking portraits like the one of grandad in the hallway upstairs and different dorms based on his personality. That made Phil the most nervous because what if the sorting hat looked at his personality and decided he wasn’t allowed to go to Hogwarts? He had been very diligent lately about minding his manners and doing his chores, but he was still nervous. Sure, sometimes he was lazy, but he wanted to be like his mom and dad who worked at the Ministry of Magic and helped people and to do that he </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>had </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>to get into Hogwarts.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He followed a girl with long blonde hair (he’s pretty sure she introduced herself as Louise) into the Great Hall (as a man called Hagrid called it) and felt his jaw drop open. Sure, his mom had described the ceiling of the Great Hall but it was nothing like looking up and seeing all the floating candles and the starry sky blend together. His parents were pretty sparing with magic at home, so seeing this much magic all at once was beautiful. He felt the magic of the school thrum through his blood in a way that reminded him of the first time holding his wand. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He was so focused on the ceiling that he only stopped when he collided with another body. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sorry,” he whispered quietly.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s okay,” Louise said with a smile, revealing a slight gap in between her teeth. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil turned his attention to the older woman walking across stage who introduced herself as Headmistress McGonagall. In her right hand she held a hat that she set on the stool set in the middle of a small stage. Phil watched as the hat started to form a face and sang a song, extolling the virtues of each house of Hogwarts: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Everyone thunderously applauded and whooped when it was done and then Headmistress McGonagall called out the first name.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The list took a while to get to Phil, who didn’t hear his name called at first.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Philip Lester,” she repeated, causing Phil to bolt forward, knocking his gangly limbs into the stool. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sorry,” he mumbled as he righted it to the titters of a few other first years. Luckily Headmistress McGonagall was holding the hat so he didn’t knock the ancient-looking fabric to the floor.He felt himself start to flush as he sat down and the hat was placed upon his head. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Silence.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His worst fear had come to life, he was going to be kicked out of Hogwarts before he even started. Everyone else had had the hat call out a house name almost the instant that the hat touched their head. Why was his taking so long? He just had to be brave and not cry and-. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hush child,” the hat said out loud. “I’m thinking. You would make an excellent Hufflepuff, but Gryffindor also calls to me for you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil shifted again and gasped as he felt a shiver go down his spine. It felt like something had dived into his mind. It was still quiet in the Great Hall but his head was so very loud.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘What do you value more? Bravery or kindness?’ a voice in his head asked.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil didn’t know how to answer. He knew he should say kindness but bravery sounded cooler. But his mom also said it was brave to be kind, so really he valued them both. Was it wrong to value both? He didn’t want to choose, petrified that one would be the wrong decision. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The hat let out a chuckle before talking to Phil inside his head again. ‘You’re just like your mother, she was a stubborn one too. But unlike her, you are very brave, carrying that secret around.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘What secret?’ Phil asked it back, causing the hat to laugh again. He felt his back straighten, scared that maybe the hat would know he wasn’t very brave on trying very hard to be. Or that when he went to Brighton over the summer he had let his eyes wander and </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>stop mind stop</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. Those weren’t acceptable thoughts. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Silence.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’ll ask you again,’ the hat said inside of his head, ‘bravery or kindness?’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil thought about it for a moment and felt nervous. So he thought about his mom and dad and how they helped people every day at the Ministry. He wanted to help people, but he didn’t need the praise for it.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ah,” the hat said aloud, “finally... a HUFFLEPUFF.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Phil looked towards the table of cheering yellow-and-black-dressed people. They all looked nice. Would everyone laugh at him because they knew he wasn’t brave though? Because they said Hufflepuff or Gryffindor and everyone knew that was the brave house, where Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom came from. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Before the hat left his head, it laughed again, giving Phil one last thought. ‘Remember...even the kind can be brave too.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning, Phi was released from the Hospital Wing by Madam Pomfrey’s assistant, Hannah Abbott. She warned him not to do anything too strenuous, hammering the point home repeatedly in five different ways. She seemed very nice though, Phil thought, for someone married to </span>
  <em>
    <span>the</span>
  </em>
  <span> Neville Longbottom. But Professor Longbottom was pretty nice too, if not secretly terrifying in the fact he had lead people during the Battle of Hogwarts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Professor Longbottom actually checked up on him as he came back to the Hufflepuff Common Room, carefully touching his shoulder and asking if the lavender-infused medicine helped him at all. And the first years and second years and really anyone he passed in the hallway checked in on him too. He was uncomfortable with all the attention, especially after hearing that Hufflepuff had lost the match. It was a blow that Phil didn’t want to stand. So after a full day of it, Phil snuck out of the Common Room and went to the only place that would be quiet this time of night: the Astronomy Tower. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he climbed up the staircases, he had to close his eyes not to get too dizzy, the stairs swinging giving him an acute sense of vertigo. Compared to the beginning of the year, when he had thanked the universe that he didn’t have to climb the stairs to the Astronomy Tower, he felt a little nostalgic for only a few weeks ago when him and Dan would climb up the stairs debating something or other (usually what band was better - which Dan usually won because Phil’s musical knowledge was limited to The Weird Sisters and Muse most days). But the walk wasn’t bad anymore because now this tower was a refuge for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And one other person, he thought as he opened the door and saw Dan sitting in a chair in front of the telescope, one leg drawn up against his chest. It didn’t look like he was doing star charts, just searching through the telescope for something. It wasn’t an uncommon scene. Phil never knew what Dan was searching for but some nights he’d come away from the telescope saying that he was at peace with the universe and sometimes that was enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil met Dan’s eyes across the classroom and he waved at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Phil said, leaning against the door jam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Dan replied, waving in return. “How you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Smothered,” Phil replied honestly. “I mean, I think it’s sweet everyone keeps asking how I’m doing but at the same time it’s just...it was too much. I think the first sign I needed to step away for a minute was when Missy Hunter tried to bring me lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dan nodded like he understood (he probably did because it wasn’t like Missy was known for her kindness) and patted the chair next to him, which Phil crossed the room for. He dropped into the chair and leaned his head back, closing his eyes, enjoying how nothing in the room was moving or asking him a question; he was just being. Phil could feel the silence settling over them like a slightly itchy sweater, grating against Phil’s tired head and Phil knew they’d have to have to finish the conversation from the hospital. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Phil didn’t know how to start the conversation. All he could think of was Dan’s earnest face as he said “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em> like</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> Olly but I don’t</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em> fancy</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> Olly</span>
  </em>
  <span>”. It implied that Dan did fancy </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Phil didn’t know if he was brave enough to ask about it. It was like Phil was having the hat stall again, debating between keeping things pleasant and easy and being brave.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The kind can be brave too.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The kind can be </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>brave</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> too.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil inhaled as the Sorting Hat’s words came back to him, like some premonition, but they rung true. Hufflepuffs could be brave, they didn’t have to wait for the world to pass them by and hope that the Gryffindors...that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dan</span>
  </em>
  <span>, if Phil was being honest, would take the initiative and start the conversation.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fancy </span>
  <b>you</b>
  <span> not Olly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was maybe a little too brave if the silence was anything to go by.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t used to this much silence, especially at Hogwarts. Hogwarts was always bustling and you could hear the echo of everything, even the ticking of the clock or the house gems rearranging themselves and settling outside the Great Hall. Phil looked resolutely up at the ceiling of the astronomy tower, the clear glass overhead showing him a hazy black sky with the occasional pinprick of light, not daring to look over and see Dan’s face contorted in pity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t expecting, however, for the hand that covered his, giving it a squeeze. Oh, that made the pitied feeling so much worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phil,” Dan started quietly, accompanying his name with another squeeze to his hand.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again and tilting his head to face Dan. Dan didn’t appear to be looking at him with pity. Phil couldn’t read his facial expression but it looked positive at the very least. Dan didn’t look angry or sad that Phil admitted he fancied him. Maybe that meant Dan would let him down gently?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Phil whispered, turning his hand over to interlace his fingers with Dan, figuring that he should take advantage of Dan still wanting to touch him. Be near him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you sorry for,” Dan asked, his voice still gentle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” Phil said with an awkward pause, “fancying you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not that bad,” Dan retorted, “besides, I uh. I fancy you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Phil said, his tone unmistakably incredulous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a year older not eighty, I know you heard me. I fancy you, like a lot. Since fourth year if we’re being honest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What,” Phil spluttered out. “That’s like two years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Dan replied. “What was I thinking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We didn’t even talk,” Phil said, slumping down in the chair, the enormity of this moment finally settling in around his shoulders. They were talking about this and it was not going the way that Phil ever expected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah we did, on the Quidditch pitch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was banting, not talking, and you-” Phil started to argue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you were fit,” Dan cut in. “I mean, I still think you’re fit, but back then I was like ‘woah.’ You look like a proper emo with the hair and whatnot; it’s a good look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Phil said, a slightly strangled aspect to his voice. “I think you’re fit too you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Dan mumbled, ducking his head for a moment before brushing his straightened fringe out of his face, a flush appearing on his cheeks.”So what do we do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Phil asked. Because he was confused. They confessed and that meant (according to every Muggle “rom-com” movie his mom had dragged him to) they were together now, right? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we fancy each other but what do we do about it?” Dan asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I didn’t think I’d get this far, to be honest,” Phil admitted, looking nervously at their joined hands. “I kind of figured I would repress it until I left Hogwarts and then run into you in twenty years with your wife and children and we’d kind of nod at each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dan burst out in laughter, pulling his hand away to bury his face into his hands. Phil felt himself smile, even though his hand felt cold now that it wasn’t holding Dan’s. It felt good to kind of go back to normal, even if for a moment. Because this was the best part of being with Dan: being able to express himself and know that Dan wasn’t laughing at him, not really. Dan was laughing with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a spork,” Dan finally said when he came up for air. He looked so...pretty. He was happy flushed and his eyes were sparkling and Phil was utterly entranced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop being so damn pretty, Howell,” Phil mumbled out, unsure if Dan had heard him at first until he heard Dan inhale. He looked into Dan’s eyes and felt himself go warm all over at the look in Dan’s eyes. Phil had kissed people before, a few games of spin the bottle in the Hufflepuff Common Room, and Dan looked like he wanted to kiss him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phil wanted to kiss him back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed Dan’s hand and placed it on his heart. “It’s beating really fast right now. Like I’ve been doing rolls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mine too,” Dan replied, “I just can’t believe Phil Lester </span>
  <em>
    <span>fancies</span>
  </em>
  <span> me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how do you think I feel?” Phil asked. “Dan Howell fancies me back. I just…. I never thought it would be possible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, reality is stranger than fiction and-” Dan said, cut off when Phil finally leaned in and kissed him. It was dry, just a press of lips against each other but it made Phil’s heart do a flippy over thing that hadn’t happened with any of the other people he had kissed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, I want to kiss my boyfriend,” Phil mumbled as he pulled away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is he? I’d love to meet him.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“It’s you, you spork.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you never asked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. Dan Howell, will you be my boyfriend?”</span>
  <span></span><br/>
<span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I don’t know, I think I have to think on it,” Dan said before shrieking as Phil gave him a solid push so Dan almost fell out of the chair he was sitting on. Dan laughed and grabbed on to Phil’s arm, righting himself easily. “Hey Phil.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sod off,” Phil grumbled, but eventually gave in to the silence. He was curious what Dan had to say. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be your boyfriend, Lester,” Dan said, looking at Phil and Phil couldn’t help be lean in and kiss him again. “Is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Phil breathed out against Dan’s lips as the stars sparkled through the glass roof overhead, “that’s okay Howell.”</span>
</p>
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